I think it was the 5th year of my existence when I had my first encounter with the much talked about word ‘friendship’. Mom took me out for one of those usual evening escapades to a nearby park for kids of my age. I was always fascinated with those colourful swings and the very thought of sitting on them lifted my spirits high. So it was another of those days when I went to this little play area to soak in the merriment. As usual, the park was modestly crowded so I patiently stood next to a rose coloured swing awaiting my turn. The next minute I found a girl standing towards my right in front of the same swing, probably in queue for a ride. When the swing fell free, I ran to grab the seat and occupy it. Just as I was about to place myself in it, I looked behind and found the little girl crying. The mini waterfall evoked a strange feeling in me. I didn’t know her and she definitely had no role in my life. But to my surprise I walked up to her, grabbed her wrist and made her sit on the swing. My brief act of kindness stopped her tears and brought a beautiful smile on her face. Wiping her pretty face, she held her tiny square-shaped palm towards me and said ‘Friends?’ to which I nestled my palm into hers and shook it vibrantly. From that moment, we were friends and I found a wonderful companion in her. She formed a beautiful part of my early childhood days and gave me my first definition of friendship.
After that episode, making friends became a regular activity for me like eating, sleeping or watching TV. It was simple, easy and very satisfying. It was like waking up every morning to find one more person to add to my kitty of friends. While most of my teens and adolescent years saw me through this behavioral pattern, it was only in the early 20s that I realized what friendship truly signifies. Friends for me have always been people who have cared to spare a precious moment of their time to cooperate and support me to do something significantly worthwhile. But it was to my disappointment that I found my theory of friendship change dramatically over time, sometimes leaving me positively alarmed but mostly with a deep regret and morose.
There was a period when being friends with someone meant sharing the intricate details of one’s personal and professional life with another and finding that special someone to safeguard each other’s deep dark secrets. It was about trust, faith and honesty. It was about accepting the other person with all his/her flaws and inhibitions. It was about going the extra mile to preserve the thin line of truthfulness between two individuals. It was about being oneself with the other without any pretence or fake camouflage.
I think it was sometime during my early days of college when realization dawned upon me. All’s not well in the friendship paradise after all. People and times never stay permanently with you. They change, sometimes for the better and at other times for the worse. Priorities multiply and in turn triple the insecurities. As humans, we absolutely hate to see people especially friends change and drift away. We refuse to acknowledge that our friends like us are humans too – demanding, complex and yes, selfish. Today, the whole making and breaking of friendships sounds utterly commonplace. This vicious cycle has turned into a regular exercise or activity for people who treat it like another fashion fad or ‘cool’ thing to practice. And not just friendships, over the last couple of years, relationships in general have been transformed into nothing but myriad give-and-take exchanges. The more you invest in a relationship, the more they assert you gain out of the same. But obviously if you choose to let your ego take the better of you, then you lose not just your partner but also the relationship. And while people today are struggling hard enough to maintain a healthy balance in their day-to-day relationships and encounters, there are other things that seem much harder than just the sacrifices and compromises they make.
As a keen observer, I have often seen my couple friends face difficulties with regards to each other’s friends. I mean every single friend is invariably put through the couple compatibility test, which in most cases is mandatory in order to move closely with the couple in question. More often than not, single friends also end up ignoring the couple either because they find them too involved within themselves or too boring to handle. Obviously life becomes much simpler if the couple has a common set of friends who are connected with them both physically and emotionally. However, the real problem arises when the couple has a different set of friends each and the other is simply expected to get along with his/her spouse’s gang. An extension to this complexity is the fact that sometimes it also becomes harder for the male spouse to gel comfortably well with his wife’s male friends and vice versa.
They say when you marry a man/woman, you not only marry the person but his/her entire family. But today, this cliché’ is slightly altered with the ‘you also marry his/her friends’ clause as a necessary add-on. Whether it is that weird-drunk-looking friend who just cannot give up his strange behavior at parties after a couple of tequila shots or the irritating super nosey eavesdropping maniac who lives by her gossiping skills and desperate poking into personal matters, couples are often under pressure to like their spouse’s friends and of course treat them well.
I think ultimately it’s all like a mind maze, the more you get in and try figuring your way out, the more it spirals you into complexity!
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